In this blog we are focusing on children who are exhibiting challenging behaviours whilst in foster care and ways in which their foster carers can support them.
There is a misconception that children who are ‘behaving badly’ are ‘naughty children’. This can be correct, but usually there is reason behind the behaviours.
Every child who enters the care system will be there for different reasons. Some may need some short-term care whilst a parent/carer is managing an illness, others may have experienced extreme abuse and neglect throughout their childhood.
Due to this some children may be perceived as challenging and exhibit “bad behaviours”. However, there are steps as a foster carer you can take to try and prevent this and help the foster child settle into your home.
What can I do as a foster carer?
1. Set some clear house rules
When a foster child is coming into a new environment, they will not know all the rules of the house. Your job as a foster carer is to sit down with the foster child/children and explain the house rules to them. You need to ensure that the whole family is abiding to these rules and not just the foster children. If the foster children receive different rules from the others in the household, they may start to feel vulnerable which could in turn cause upset and anger towards the foster carers.
This will usually be done with your supervising social worker in a Safer Caring Agreement meeting. The meeting will include the foster carer/s the foster child/ren and your supervising social worker, it may also include the child’s social worker from the local authority.
Adults within the household who are implementing the rules need to ensure that they are on the same page when instilling the rules to the children. The approach needs to be consistent if not the foster child may notice the inconsistency in authority within the household and attempt to challenge this.
2. Outline expectations
When trying to manage behaviour it is vital that you as the foster carer outline all the expectations of the foster child. For example, this could be something such as keeping their bedrooms tidy or helping unload the dishwasher three times a week. By giving specific expectations to the foster child, it can instil a sense of responsibility and purpose.
3. Lead by example
Behave as you want children to behave, it is incredibly important that you behave positively to ensure that this is reinforced. For example, we all have times of disagreement, however these disagreements should be settled in a calm manner, through discussion rather than resorting to volatile language and shouting.
4. Praise!!
Praise is so important to any child. Praise will help to build confidence and self-esteem. It is not uncommon that children within the care system have low self-confidence and self-esteem, yet with giving praise where praise is deserved these attributions will improve. With better self confidence and self-esteem, it will allow the foster child to express themselves positively.
Managing behaviour of young people and children is not just an art, there is a considerable amount of thought, training and experience that will support the work needed to be done.
This is by no means a complete guide but more of a small insight to working with children with challenging behaviour, we hope you found this useful as there are an immense amount of resources one can explore.
Brighter Fostering
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